Why you should take the vaccine

Tevye to his wife Re Cows, Hens and Shloimi

Tevye says to his wife while trying to get romantic in bed, "Zieskeleh, stroking her breast, if these could give milk we could get rid of the cow!Oy Tevye, what's with you!? Then Tevye slowly moves down her zoftig body and starts to caress her between the thighs. Oy Tevye, she gasps.! Tevye says, Kitzeleh, if this could lay eggs, we could get rid of the chickens! Oy Tevye she gushed and takes ahold of his Shmekeleh! Stroking it she says, Oy Tevye if this would get hard we could get rid of your brother Shloimi!

Why South Africa will not only Survive - but thrive

People working  together as a team 

Diversity Equity and Inclusion 

Holding people to Account 

A desire by all to succeed and make this Rainbow Nation an example that the world can follow .

The talking Jewish Dog kvetching

Morty visits Dr. Saul, the veterinarian, and says, "My dog has a problem."

Dr. Saul says, "So, tell me about the dog and the problem."

"It's a Jewish dog. His name is Irving and he can talk," says Morty.

"He can talk?" the doubting doctor asks.

"Watch this!" Morty points to the dog and commands: "Irving, Fetch!"

Irving, the dog, begins to walk toward the door, then turns around and says,

"So why are you talking to me like that? You always order me around like I'm nothing. And you only call me when you want something. And then you make me sleep on the floor, with my arthritis. You give me this fahkahkta food with all the salt and fat, and you tell me it's a special diet. It tastes like dreck! YOU should eat it yourself! And do you ever take me for a decent walk? NO, it's out of the house, a short pish, and right back home. Maybe if I could stretch out a little, the sciatica wouldn't kill me so much! I should roll over and play dead for real for all you care!"

Dr. Saul is amazed, "This is remarkable! So, what's the problem?"

Morty says, "He has a hearing problem! I said "Fetch", not "Kvetch."

A Jew and an Arab meet in a Bar

A rich Arab...

A rich Arab walks into a bar and is about to order a drink when he sees a guy at the far end of the counter wearing a Jewish Kippah (skull cap), a prayer shawl/tzitzis and with the traditional locks of hair ... very obviously Jewish. So, he shouts over to the bartender so loudly that everyone can hear, "Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not for the Jew over there." 

When eventually all the drinks have been handed out, the Jew gives him a big smile, waves at him, and shouts - so everyone can hear him, "Thank you!" This infuriates the Arab. He once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Jew who, as before, does not seem bothered and once again yells, "Thank you!" He does this a third time, again not including the Jew and again being thanked enthusiastically. 

The Arab by now has become extremely perplexed so he asks the bartender: "What’s the matter with that Jew? I've ordered three rounds of

drinks for every one of the 113 people in this bar except him and all the silly fool does is smile and thanks me. Is he insane?" 

"Nope", replies the bartender - He owns the place!"

The comparison of Greek and Jewish contribution to culture

A Greek and a Jew were sitting in a Starbucks one day comparing their two cultures.

Over a double latte, the Greek mentions “We built the Parthenon, you may recall, along with the Temple of Apollo.”

“Well, it was the Jews who discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices.”

“But it was the Greeks who gave birth to advanced mathematics.”

“Granted, but it was the Jews who built the first timepieces.”

Knowing that he’s about to deliver the coup de grace, the son of Athens points out with a note of finality: “Keep in mind that it was the ancient Greeks who invented the notion of sex as a pleasurable activity!”

“True enough, but it was the Jews who got women involved.”

My dad the lawyer

Two small Jewish boys were talking at the zoo one day. “My daddy’s an accountant,” the first boy said. “What does your dad do?”

“My daddy’s a lawyer,” the second boy replied.

“Honest?”

“No, just the regular kind.”

The dovening dog

A man walks into the synagogue  with a dog. The president comes up to him and says, "Pardon me sir, but this is a House of Worship, you can't bring your dog in here!"

"What do you mean?" says the man. "This is a Jewish dog. Look."

The president looks carefully and sees that in the same way that a St. Bernard carries a brandy barrel around its neck this dog has a tallis bag around its neck.

"Rover," says the man, "kipah!"

"Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a kipah and puts it on his head.

"Rover," says the man, "tallis!"

"Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a tallis and puts it around his neck.

"Rover," says the man, "daven!"

"Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a prayer book and starts to pray.

"That's fantastic," says the president, "absolutely incredible! You should take him to Hollywood!

"You talk to him," says the man, "he wants to be a doctor."

The Tiger the Lion and the Donkey

The fable entitled, 'The Donkey and The Tiger', author unknown, has a powerful message: Never waste time on a discussion that makes no sense. When ignorance screams, intelligence should shut up!! 

-

The donkey told the tiger, “The grass is blue ". The tiger replied, ′′ No, the grass is green”.

The discussion became heated up, and the two decided to submit the issue to arbitration, and to do so they approached the lion, King of the Jungle. Before reaching the clearing in the forest where the lion was sitting on his throne, the donkey started screaming:

′′Your Highness, is it true that grass is blue?". The lion replied, ′′ True, the grass is blue"

The donkey rushed forward and continued, ′′ The tiger disagrees with me and contradicts me and annoys me please punish him ".

The king then declared, “ The tiger will be punished with 5 years of silence ".

The donkey jumped for joy and went on his way, content and repeating, ′′ The grass is blue, The grass is blue "...

The tiger accepted his punishment, but he asked the lion, “Your Majesty, why have you punished me?, After all, the grass is green”.

The lion replied, “Yes, in fact, the grass is green ".

The tiger asked, “So why do you punish me?".

The lion replied, “That has nothing to do with the question of whether the grass is blue or green The punishment is because it is not possible for a brave, intelligent creature like you to waste time arguing with a donkey, and on top of that to come and bother me with that question "

The worst waste of time is arguing with the fool and fanatic who doesn't care about truth or reality, but only the victory of their beliefs and illusions. Never waste time on discussions that make no sense.

There are people who, for all the evidence presented to them, do not have the ability to understand, and others who are blinded by ego, hatred and resentment, and the only thing that they want is to be right even if they aren’t.

When ignorance screams, intelligence shuts up. Your peace and tranquillity are worth more.

 #priorities #emotionalintelligence #stories #fables

Matzah and Strength

Gay

Bernie gets word that his elderly father is in a hospice in Florida and his death is imminent.

 Bernie who has not spoken or contacted his father for sometime hurries to his bedside.

 He rushes to his father’s bedside and clutches his hand and says he is sorry for being so distant for all this time.

 He asks his father , that since he is the only heir, “Poppa , I’m so sorry I’ve been so distant, but what are you doing with your bank accounts, your art collection, your condo, your Cadillac?

 The old dying man motions Bernie to move closer and whispers in his ear “ gay”

 Bernie is taken aback he does not understand, he asks his father 

“ Poppa are you saying you are gay and leaving everything to your lover?”

 His father whispers again “ nein, nein, gay”

 Bernie still doesn’t understand and says “ Poppa do you think I’m gay and will give all your riches to my lover?”

  The old man gathers all his remaining strength and says as clearly as he can, “ nein, Nein, du nischt fashtain, GAI KAKEN”