Lateral thinking

Leaving a bag at Gauteng station - this is Africa - Trevor Noah - hilarious

Double positive

 "In English," the professor said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language where a double positive can form a negative."

 

A student in the back of the room yells out, "Yeah, right."

Lokshen

For several years, a man was having an affair with a Jewish woman.

One night, she confided to him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would 

pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Israel to secretly have 

the child.

If she stayed in Israel to raise the child, he would also provide child 

support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born..

To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and

write 'Lokshen' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

'Honey, she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.'

'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:

Lokshen, Lokshen, Lokshen

One with kneidlach, two without.

Send extra soup.

Good shabbos all

The Cloud

A great explanation by Kitty Flanagan