Point of View

A MOTHER WAS TELLING A FRIEND ABOUT HER KIDS... MY DAUGHTER MARRIED SUCH A NICE BOY, HE LETS HER STAY IN BED ALL DAY, SHE DOESN'T GET UP UNTIL LATE, SHE EATS BREAKFAST IN BED DOESN'T DO ANY HOUSEWRK, OH, WHAT A LIFE... BUT MY SON... OH MY GOD DID HE MARY A BITCH ! SHE STAYS IN BED ALL DAY, SHE DOESN'T GET UP UNTIL LATE, SHE EATS BREAKFAST IN BED DOSN'T DO ANY HOUSEWORK. IS THAT A WIFE ?

How to stay married for 50 years!

A synagogue in New York City holds marriage seminars for the community.
Some are for women, some for their husbands and some they attend together.
At the seminar last week, the rabbi asked Shlomo about his marriage.
Shlomo replied he had been married almost 50 years.

Amidst the gasps of awe and murmurs, the rabbi was impressed and asked him
if he could kindly take just a few minutes to share his insight and knowledge
about how he managed to stay married to the same woman for all these years.

Shlomo replied aloud to all the assembled husbands,
we've tried to treat her nice, spend money on her, let her keep a
Kosher home, take her on trips and never look at other women.
Best of all, I took her to Israel for our 25th anniversary!

The rabbi responded,
"Shlomo, you are an amazing inspiration to all of the husbands here!
Please tell us what you're planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?

Shlomo proudly replied, "I'm going back to Israel to pick her up."

THE SMILING JEW

A well known Anti-Semite, walks into a bar and is about to order a drink when he sees a guy close by wearing a jewish cap / kippa, a prayer shawl / tzitzis, and traditional locks of hair / payos.


He doesn't have to be an Einstein to know that this guy is Jewish.
So he shouts over to the bartender so loudly, that everyone can hear,

"Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not for that Jew over there.ג€;

Soon after the drinks have been handed out, he notices that the Jewish guy is smiling and waving to him and says 'Thank You' in an equally loud voice, so that everyone can hear.

This infuriates the Anti-Semite and in a loud voice, he once again orders drinks for everyone except the Jew.

But as before, this does not seem to worry the Jewish guy who continues to smile, and again says, "Thank you."
So the guy asks the barman, "What's the hell is the matter with that Jew? I've ordered two rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar except for him, and all that the silly bugger does is to smile and thank me in such a loud voice.

Is he nuts?
"Nope," replies the bartender.

"He owns this place."

What Stock Should I buy?

I called my stockbroker and asked him what I should be buying.

He said, "If Julia is in office much longer - tinned food,
a generator, water, and ammunition, are your best bets."