Jewish Humour

Jewish Humour

Friday, November 30, 2012

Labia Operation

A priest and a rabbi confessing

A priest and a rabbi were, by coincidence, sitting next to each other on a long flight.
About an hour passes and not a single word was exchanged by the two men. Finally, the priest turns to the rabbi and says, “Rabbi, do you mind if I ask you a personal question”? The rabbi said, “Of course you may.”
“I understand that many of you Jewish people, especially rabbis, keep kosher and, as such, don’t eat things like bacon or ham”. The rabbi acknowledged that. “Haven’t you ever even tasted bacon or ham?”, asked the priest.
The Rabbi explained, “Many years ago, I was a visiting rabbi in a small town in the middle of nowhere and found myself in a diner one Sunday morning. There was no one around so I ordered bacon and eggs. It was quite good but that was the only time that ever happened.”
After some time, the rabbi turned to the priest and said, “Father, do you mind if you ask you a very personal question”? The Priest said, “okay.”
“You priests take an oath of celibacy, right”?, asked the Rabbi. “Why, yes”, answered the priest, wondering where this was going.
“Well, haven’t you ever had sex since you’ve become as priest”?, asked the rabbi. The priest looked about nervously, leaned toward the rabbi and answered very softly, “Well, as a young parishioner I once met a lovely woman who was much taken with me.  One thing led to another and, well, I wound up having sex with her. But that’s the only time it ever happened.”
A few moments pass and the rabbi leans over to the priest and says, “A lot better than pork, isn’t it?”

Sunday, November 25, 2012

How to Get your son a Job!

Morris (the father)says to his son: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice."
His son immediately replies: "I will choose my own bride, father."
Morris sighs: "But the girl is Bill Gates' daughter."
The son thinks about this only for a split second - then answers:
"Well, in that case, yes! OK Dad."
Morris then approaches Bill Gates and says: "I have a husband for your lovely daughter."
Bill Gates quickly answers: "No chance! My daughter is too young to get married!"
Morris says: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates thinks for a while then answers: "Ah well, in that case, yes, that'll be OK with me."
Finally Morris goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Morris smiles and says: "I have a young man to recommend as a Vice-President."
The President hurriedly answers: "Not interested, I already have
more vice-presidents than I need."
Morris continues smiling: "But this young man is Bill Gates' son-in-law."
A few seconds pass, then the World Bank President answers: "Ah that's interesting, Hmmm. In that case, well yes, he can start tomorrow."
And that is how successful Jews do business...