Jewish Humour

Jewish Humour

Saturday, January 9, 2016

You know you grew up Jewish when:

 You did not respond to the  teacher calling roll on the first day of school because you thought your name was "Princess". 

* You've had at least one female relative who drew eyebrows on her face that were always asymmetrical.

*  You spent your entire childhood thinking that everyone  calls roast beef "brisket." 

* Your family dog responds to complaints uttered in Yiddish.

* Every Sunday afternoon of your childhood was spent visiting your grandparents.

* You've experienced the phenomena of 50 people  fitting into a 10-foot-wide dining room hitting each other with plastic plates & forks trying to get to a deli tray.

* You  thought pasta was the stuff used exclusively for kugel and kasha with bowties.

* You watched Lawrence Welk and Ed Sullivan every Sunday night. 

* You were as tall as your grandmother by age seven.

* You never knew anyone whose last name didn't end in one of 6 standard suffixes (-man,-witz, -berg, -stein, -blatt or -baum).

* You grew up and were surprised to find out that wine doesn't always taste like year-old cranberry sauce.  

* You can look at gefilte fish without turning  green. 

* You grew up thinking there was a fish called lox. 

* You can understand some Yiddish but you can't speak it. 

* You  know how to pronounce numerous Yiddish words and use  them correctly in context, yet you don't exactly know what they mean.  
    e.g. Is that Kenahurra or is that kaninehurra?.

* You have at least one ancestor who is related to your spouse's ancestor. 

* You grew up thinking it was normal for someone to shout "Are you okay? Are you okay?" through the bathroom door if you were in  there for longer than 3 minutes.

*You have at least six male relatives named Michael or David. 

* Your grandparent's furniture smelled like mothballs, was covered in plastic and was as comfortable as sitting on sandpaper.
Baruch Hashem and G_d willing, may you have a day full of mazel and shalom!

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