Is Mr Rosh there?

Oo and oO

Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.
The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use.
I'll see you back in court Monday.

"On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you do over the weekend?

""Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever.
""Seventeen people? That's wonderful. How did you do it? "
"I used a diagram, your honor.
I drew two circles like this: O o.
Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," says the judge.

Then he turns to the second guy. "And how did you do?"

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
"Wow!" says the judge. "156 people! How did you manage to do that?"
"Well, I used a similar diagram," the guy says.
"I drew two circles like this: o O.
Then I pointed to the little circle and said, 'This is your assholebefore prison ..."

 

Assistant helps Doctor look after his Patients

Doctor Cohen did not want to close his rooms on Rosh Hashannah , so he approached his assistant.

“Bruce, I am going to Shul tomorrow. I don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of my patients.”

 “Yes, sir!” – answers Bruce.

 Doc goes to Shul and returns the following day and asks:

”So, Bruce , how was your day?”

Bruce told him that he took care of three patients.

“The first one had a headache so I gave him Tylenol.”

 “Bravo, and the second one?” – asks Doc

"The second one had stomach burning and I gave him Malox, sir.” – says Bruce.

 “Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this and what about the third one?” – asks Doc

“Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opened and a woman entered.

 Like a flame, she undressed herself, taking off everything including her bra, her panties and lied down on the table.

 She spread her legs and shouted: “HELP ME! For five years I have not seen any man!”

“ so Nu! Vot  did you do? , Bruce, vot did you do?” – asked Doc

“I put drops in her eyes.” !

Motivation

Unetanneh Tokef - Brett Kaye

Brett Kaye sings the prayer which is the highlight and heart of the Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur synagogue services. The prayer is many centuries old. The music is the version composed by Yair Rosenblum in 1990. The performance was at a solemn Yom Hazikaron (Memorial Day) event, so there is no applause.

4 pearlers from Golda

"It's Not What You Gather, But What You Scatter That Tells What Kind Of Life You Have Lived."

"Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life.  Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement."
  

"We Jews have a secret weapon in our struggle with the Arabs; we have no place to go." 

"It is true we have won all our wars, but we have paid for them.
We don't want victories anymore." 

Reminiscing