As Pesach Approaches - we journey another circle around the sun

Noah’s Ark for a feed

Praying to religious objects

A teacher asks her young students what religious objects they have in their homes.

Nicholas, the Christian boy answers, 

"We have a picture of a woman with a halo holding a baby and every day my mother kneels in front of it."

Ling, the Asian boy says, 

"We have a brass statue of a man seated with crossed legs and a Chinese face, and every day my parents burn an incense stick next to it."

Yossi the Jewish boy pipes up, 

"In the bathroom, we have a flat, square box with numbers on it. 

Every day, first thing in the morning my mother stands on it and screams, 'OH MY GOD!!!'"

Lesson in Creating Marriage Harmony

When your wife is mowing the lawn , that’s not a good time to ask when dinner will be ready (marriage tip) 

The potato swimsuit trick

After I graduated from high school in Skokie, every day, I would ride my bike to the beach in Evanston. There, there were many gorgeous co-eds from Northwestern University. I'd try to pick them up, but none of them were interested in me. 

During that summer, I made friends with the lifeguard who seemed to be very popular with the young ladies. One day I complained to him. "None of the girls like me," I moaned. 

He squinted at me, "You know what your problem is?"

"What?" I asked. 

"You have a big saggy swimsuit that you got pulled up all the way to your underarms. If you want the girls to like you, get a tight Speedo swimsuit, and if you really want the girls to be crazy for you..."

"Yeah?," I replied

"...get yourself a potato. Slip the potato into your swimsuit, and you'll find that the girls will find you irresistible." The lifeguard smiled and winked at me when he said this.

So the next day, I got myself a tight Speedo swimsuit and a potato. I rode my bike to the beach, and when I got there, I slipped the potato into my swimsuit and started walking up and down the beach flexing my muscles. But instead of flirting with me, the girls on the beach were giving me looks of abject disgust and disapproval. 

I went to my friend the lifeguard and whined, "This isn't working! What am I doing wrong?"

He yelled at me, "You idiot! The potato's supposed to go in the front!"

Thanks Andrew Cohen for the narrative