A Jewish husband had just finished reading the book 'MAN OF THE  HOUSE'.....so he stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife.

 Pointing a finger in her face, he said,  "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and  my word is law!"
"I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished  I expect a sumptuous dessert."
"Then, after dinner, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax."
"And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and  comb my hair??"

 His wife replied, "The Chevra Kadisha!".

Four novice nuns were about to take their vows

Three novice nuns were about to take their vows. 

Dressed in their white gowns, they came into the chapel with the Mother

Superior, and were about to undergo the ceremony to 

marry them to Jesus, making them "Brides of Christ."

Just as the ceremony was about to begin, three Hasidic Jews with yarmulkes,

long sideburns, and long beards came in and sat in the front row.
 

The Mother Superior said to them, "I am honored that you would want to share

this experience with us, but do you mind if I ask you why you came?"
 

One of the Jews replied, "We're from the groom's family."

Shlomo's wife was screaming at him: "Leave!! Get out of this house!"

Shlomo's wife was screaming at him: "Leave!! Get out of this house!" she ordered. 

As he was walking out the door she yelled, "I hope you die a slow and painful death!"

So he turned around and replied "Oh. So now you want me to stay?"