A jar of olives

a Jewish man walked into a bar and started ordering martini after martini.He removed the olives and put them in a jar.When the jar was full of olives and he finished all the drinks,he started to leave,as he did so a curious customer asked him,Excuse me,but what was that all about? “My wife sent me out for a jar of olives”

Cockatoo in hotel room - a bloop of note!

Foreplay over the years

At 8: You take her to bed and tell her a story

At 18: You tell her a story and take her to bed

At 28: You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed

At 38: She tells you a story and takes you to bed

At 48: You tell her a story to avoid going to bed

At 58; You stay in bed to avoid her story

At 68: If you take her to bed, that'll be a story

At 78: If you can get out of bed, that's another story

The orgasm - that’s how you do it

An older Jewish man marries a much younger Jewish woman and they are very much in love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm. Since a woman is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi. The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion: "Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm." 

They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. But it doesn't help and she is still unsatisfied. 

Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi. "Okay," says the rabbi, "let's try it reversed-Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them." Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking, screaming orgasm. 

The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly, "You see, THAT'S the way to wave a towel..."

The Memorial Stone

Thanks Andrew Cohen - this is a gem 💎 of note 

Sam passed away. 

His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral at Levine’s Funeral Parlor.

As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend Jody,

“Well, I'm sure Sam would be pleased," she said.

"I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close.

“How much did this really cost?"

“All of it," said Helen. "Thirty thousand."

“No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?"

Helen answered. "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the synagogue .  The shiva, food and drinks were another $500. The rest went for the  memorial stone."

Jody computed quickly. "$22,500 for a memorial stone? My God, how big is it?!"

"Two and a half carats."

I know your password

What is your password? 

Find out from the video😃😃😃 Michael Mclyntyre at his best 😂😂😂

The password journey! 

CyberShelter

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