Jewish Humour

Wednesday, May 14, 2025
Kerry Packer on Minimising Taxes ,Law and Government Spending
Monday, May 12, 2025
How to Shower like a Women and How to Shower like a Man
How To Shower Like a Woman
Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups / leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tile cleaner.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see partner along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see partner along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair.
Make a Shampoo Mohican
Wee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.
Admire willy size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass partner, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
Thursday, May 8, 2025
Why I am a proud Jew, Zionist and supporter of the State of Israel
Einstein nailed it when he gave 3 reasons why he was proud to be Jewish
- The Quest of knowledge for its own sake.
- A nearly fanatical love of justice.
- The pursuit of personal independence
These are the motives of the Jewish tradition that makes me feel that my affiliation with the Jewish people has been a gift from the heavens"
John Adams, the second President of the US wrote, “They are the most glorious nation that ever inhabited this earth. They have influenced the affairs of mankind more than any other nation.”
In 1933, almost half of Berlin’s doctors were Jews. Globally 29% of all Nobel prize winners have been Jews. In Vienna, Freud founded a new way of treating mental disorders and in Switzerland, Einstein reimagined the nature of the universe.
And the success continues - Google, Oracle, and Facebook had Jewish founders. In Hollywood there is Goldwyn, Warner, Fox, and Mayer.
Globally 29% of all Nobel prize winners have been Jews.
In Australia more than 30% of those named in the top 20 richest on Australia’s Rich List, are Jews! The number of Jews in the professions such as law and medicine are disproportionately high.
The numbers
The Global population figures are 5.7 billion people
- 2.3 billion Christians,
- 1.8 billion Muslims,
- 1.1 billion Hindus,
- 500 million Buddhists, and
- 15 million Jews, roughly 0.2% of the global population.
In Australia
Based upon the 2021 Australian Census, the Jewish population in Australia represented approximately 0.46% - 116,967 Jews out of a total population of 25.4 million.
Is it the “success” itself which brings the virus of anti-Semitism?
Antisemitism and genocide
The ultimate goal of anti-Semitism is the elimination of the Jews.
In 1933, Hitler pursued his program to rid the world of the “Jewish pest”, executing his ruthless “final solution” to accomplish the total destruction of the Jewish people. What causes this virus? The “crime” of the Jews was their values and their success.
There has been a global rise in anti-Semitism since 7 October 2023. It is a virus which infects people throughout the world, including in Australia.
According to the 1988 charter of Hamas, Muslims should “Fight Jews and kill them”.
After October 7, a Hamas leader warned, “We will do this again and again”.
In 2001, Ayatollah Khamenei stated, “It is the mission of the Islamic Republic of Iran to erase Israel from the map of the region”.
In 2012, the Iranians chief of staff announced, “The Iranian nation is committed to the full annihilation of Israel”
and in 2021, Iran’s Brigadier said, “We will not back off from the annihilation of Israel. We want to destroy Zionism in the world”.
On October 7 2023 , Hamas carried out the most violent pogrom since the Holocaust. It was the third deadliest terror attack in modern history, murdering more than 1,200 civilian Jews and taking more than 250 hostages back into Gaza, giving rise to the Israel-Hamas war.
After the attack by Hamas on Israeli civilians who were raped, burned alive, tortured, shot and decapitated, the Sydney Opera House (SOH) was illuminated in the colours of the Israeli flag.
However, protesters massed at the SOH, flying Palestinian flags and chanting “Gas the Jews” and “F..k the Jews” (bizarrely interpreted after “careful” investigation by Australia’s enforcement agency as “Where’s the Jews”).
Notably, these protesters were not part of Hamas but were “Innocent Australian Palestinian citizens”!
It was Sydney’s night of shame.
And yet in Israel’s fight against Hamas, there has been no end to accusations of “genocide” by Israel.
After the firebombing of a childcare centre plus many other anti-Semitic incidents, including arson attacks and the targeting of synagogues, restaurants, private homes and vehicles - the Albanese Government has recognised that this virus needs to be eliminated in Australia and has instituted measures to outlaw and eradicate the virus of Antisemitism!
The Jews have Survived and Thrived
- 3,300 years ago, Egypt enslaved the Jews.
- 2,500 years ago, Persia declared genocide but the Jewish people survived and rebuilt the Second Temple.
- 2,000 years ago, the Roman Empire crushed Jerusalem, destroyed the Second Temple, slaughtered over a million people and exiled the survivors.
- For 1,300 years, the European Christian Empire persecuted the Jews through pogroms, forced conversions, inquisitions and ghettos but the Jews adapted and survived.
- Despite Hitler’s “final solution”, the 1,000 Year Reich crumbled and
- the Jews emerged and re-established the State of Israel.
After World War II, much of the Islamic world took on the battle against the Jews, but the Jews have prevailed and built an amazing country and democracy in the Middle East that is Israel .
Jews had lived across the Arab and Muslim world for centuries, not as equals, but as “dhimmis”,second-class citizens. When the State of Israel was born, nearly a million Jews were expelled or forced to flee from Arab lands. Jewish communities that had lasted for millennia vanished almost overnight.
The Jews returned home after 2,000 years in exile, not to conquer someone else’s land but to reclaim their own.
They are indigenous to the Land of Israel. Their language was born there. Their ancestors prayed there facing Jerusalem. They did not colonise the land. They revived it.
Today Jews live in a post-October 7 world. It is a world where the Jews are done with apologizing and done with seeking approval. Anti-Semitism did not prevent Jewish success. It caused it.
“Never Again” is not a slogan. It is a doctrine.
Inspired by an article by my friend Mike Lyons
https://mlyons.substack.com/p/the-virus-of-anti-semitism