Bought some air today

I bought a little bag of air today . 

The company that made it were kind to put in a few chips as well 

Special offer

A priest was called away on an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional booth unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him.

The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do.

The rabbi came over and he and the priest sat in the confessional booth together. In a few minutes a woman came in and said, "Father, forgive me for I have sinned."

The priest asked, "What did you do?".

The woman said, "I committed adultery."

Priest: "How many times?"

Woman: "Three times."

Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more."

A few minutes later a man entered the confessional.

He said, "Father, forgive me for I have sinned."

Priest: "What did you do?"

Man: "I committed adultery."

Priest: “How many times?"

Man: "Three times."

Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more."

The rabbi told the priest that he thought that he got it, so the priest left.

A few minutes later, another woman entered the confessional booth and said,

"Father, forgive me for I have sinned."

"What did you do?"

Woman: "I committed adultery"

Rabbi: "How many times?"

Woman: "Once."

Rabbi: "Go do it two more times. We have a special this week, three for $5."

By his mother he is a committed businessman

Successful in business . . . 

Freda and her friend Ruth were having a chat about their sons. "So Ruth," asks Freda, "I hear that your Paul has just been made a director of Shmultz LLC.  Is he a good businessman, then?" 

"Is he a good businessman?" replies Ruth. "Oy! He’s a brilliant businessman, Freda. In fact mine Paul is so dedicated to his company that every night he takes his secretary to bed with him - just in case he comes up with a brilliant idea."

Thank you Andrew Cohen!!! 

Rivka goes to a sassexxxx shhhhopppp

Hello, tech support . . . 

60 year old Rivkah goes into her local sex shop. As soon as she enters, everyone there notices how unstable she is on her feet. Very shakily, she wobbles the few feet across the shop to the counter, grabs it for support, and asks the assistant behind the counter, "Dddoo youuu selll ddiilldoss?" 

The assistant, trying not to laugh, replies, "Yes, we have many different types of dildo in stock." 

"Dddddoooo yyyouuuu ccaarrryy aaa pppinkk onnee,ttenn inchessss lllong  aaandd aabboutt ttwoo inchesss ththiickk?" asks Rivkah. 

The assistant replies, "Yes we do." 

"Maazzeltovvv. Ddddoo yyoouu kknnooww hhowww tttooo tturrrnnn ittt offffff?"