A day at the races

A bloke was having a few drinks by himself at a London casino when he met up with a striking but quite short and slim young woman. They got on famously and ended up in bed. 
  
The next morning she told him she was a jockey and that if he came to the races at Ascot that day, she'd tip him the winner of each race she was riding in by giving him a sign as she rode out of the saddling paddock. 
  
In Race 2, she rode out rubbing both her boobs. The bloke looked through the race book and found 'Two Abreast' on which he placed $100 at 5-1. It won by two lengths. 
  
In Race 4 she rode out rubbing her fingers round her eyes. He put the lot on 'Eyeliner' at 10-1 and was then $5000 in front 
  
. 
In the last race she came out standing up in the stirrups and rubbing her growler. He backed nothing. 
  

After the races, he met up with her and thanked her for the winners in races 2 and 4. 'What about 'Itchy Mickey' in the sixth?', she asked. 'It paid a fortune?' 

'Sh*t', he said, 'I thought you were telling me the favourite was scratched!' 
  

Rabbis advice to man who wants to live to eternity

Get married!

It’s a dogs life

Really bad marketing dad jokes

Which is the worst? 

His girlfriend left the marketing exec because she caught him cheating - “He called  it A/B Testing”

When a vegetarian and an SEO marketer walks into a bar - “who talks about organic first ?”

I went to a musical the other day and they wouldn’t let me in - I guess they didn’t like it because I wanted to “capture the leads”

What is a marketers favourite way to drink beer? “Through a funnel”

How do you get yoda to get his first lead - “Through Salesforce “

The guy who left my emarketing team went to sell trampolines “because his bounce rates were so high “

Whose deaf?

Chaim  feared his wife Zelda  wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.'

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was In the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

No response.

So Chaim moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Zelda , what's for dinner?'

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his Wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. 'Zelda, what's for dinner?' 

 Chaim,  Just gvald geshrign, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!'