High holy day seating request form

An old man goes to a confessional

An old man walked into the confessional at the cathedral and said to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and eleven grandchildren. Last night I had an affair, and I made love to two 18 year old girls. Both of them. Twice."

The priest replied, "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?"

"Never Father, I'm Jewish."

The priest paused, and then asked, "So then, why are you telling me?"

"Hey, I'm telling everybody."

The rabbis advice to ask mum to find a girl exactly like her

Got those golf tragics like me

When I was young I was a poor golfer.

But after years of play and practice, i an no longer young 

Tisha b Av

The saddest and most  famous Jewish day  -  that even the most important road in the USA is named after !!

A man was asked to write a sentence without the letter “e”

Can it be done he was asked 

A 70 year old man at a nudist colony

From my mate Andrew Cohen 

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day, he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, 'Did you call for me?'

The man replies, 'No, what do you mean?'

She says, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.'

Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the sauna and, as he sits down, he farts.....

Within minutes, a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam-room toward him, 'did you call for me?' says the hairy man.

'No, what do you mean?' says the newcomer.

'You must be new,' says the hairy man, 'it's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.' The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.

The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, 'May I help you?' she says.

The man yells, 'Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the £500 membership fee.'

'But, Sir,' she replies, 'you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities.'

The man replies, 'Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month. I fart 35 times a day!!'