Golf or an affair?

Another one from Andrew Cohen

Slight of foot . . . 

Moshe is having an affair with his secretary Kate and one afternoon, she persuades him to leave work early and go to her place for an hour or so. He agrees. 

Whilst they are enjoying themselves, Moshe suddenly notices the time. He quickly takes off his shoes, goes into Kate's garden, and rubs them for a couple of minutes on the grass and mud. He then puts them back on and drives home to his wife Naomi. 

"So where have you been, you shmuck?" shouts Naomi as soon as he walks through the door. "I've been trying to contact you all afternoon, but your iphone was off and no one in your office knew where you were."

"I'm an honest person, darling, and I can't lie to you," replies Moshe. "I've been with my secretary all afternoon at her place."

But Naomi takes one look at his shoes and shouts, "You lying momzer. You fershtinkener. You've been out playing golf again, haven't you?"

Who’se Sharon?

Where was i . . . 

Sam Levy texted his wife, "Darling, sorry to tell you but I got hit by a car near my office this morning and I'm now in mount sinai. Sharon brought me here. The doctors have been making tests and taking X-rays and the good news is that they've told me that the big blow I took to my forehead shouldn't have any lasting effect. But I've broken two ribs and my left arm. I've also got a fractured leg which they say should hopefully heal over the next 3 months or so. Sorry darling for putting you through all this worry." 

Moments later, his wife Esther texted back, "Who's Sharon?"

Retired Golfer , Naked Woman and Lion Tamer

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, older retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties.
The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"
The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.
The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.
The circus owner's jaw is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can you top that?"
The tough old golfer replies, "No problem, just get that lion out of there."

Egg Klap

from the Ozzie Slang Dictionary:

http://www.koalanet.com.au/australian-slang.html

A

Ace! : Excellent! Very good! 

Aerial pingpong : Australian Rules football 

Amber fluid : beer 

Ambo : ambulance, ambulance driver

Ankle biter : small child 

Apples, she'll be : It'll be all right 

Arvo : afternoon 

Aussie (pron. Ozzie) : Australian

Aussie salute : brushing away flies with the hand 

Avos : avocados 

B

B & S : Bachelors' and Spinsters' Ball - a very enjoyable party usually held in rural areas 

Back of Bourke : a very long way away 

Bail (somebody) up : to corner somebody physically 

Bail out : depart, usually angrily 

Banana bender : a person from Queensland 

Barbie : barbecue (noun) 

Barrack : to cheer on (football team etc.) 

Bastard : term of endearment 

Bathers : swimming costume

Battler : someone working hard and only just making a living 

Beaut, beauty : great, fantastic 

Big Smoke : a big city, especially Sydney or Melbourne

Big-note oneself : brag, boast 

Bikkie : biscuit (also "it cost big bikkies" - it was expensive)

Billabong : an ox-bow river or watering hole 

Billy : teapot. Container for boiling water.

Bingle : motor vehicle accident

Bities : biting insects 

Bitzer : mongrel dog (bits of this and bits of that) 

Bizzo : business ("mind your own bizzo") 

Black Stump, beyond the : a long way away, the back of nowhere 

Bloke : man, guy 

Bloody : very (bloody hard yakka) 

Bloody oath! : that's certainly true 

Blow in the bag : have a breathalyser test 

Blowie : blow fly 

Bludger : lazy person, layabout, somebody who always relies on other people to do things or lend him things

Blue : fight ("he was having a blue with his wife") 

Blue, make a : make a mistake 

Bluey : pack, equipment, traffic ticket, redhead 

Bluey : blue cattle dog (named after its subtle markings) which is an excellent working dog. Everyone's favourite all-Aussie dog. 

Bluey : heavy wool or felt jacket worn by mining and construction workers.

Bluey : bluebottle jellyfish

Bodgy : of inferior quality 

Bog in : commence eating, to attack food with enthusiasm 

Bog standard : basic, unadorned, without accessories (a bog standard car, telephone etc.)

Bogan : person who takes little pride in his appearance, spends his days slacking and drinking beer

Bogged : Stuck in mud, deep sand (a vehicle). 

Bondi cigar : see "brown-eyed mullet" 

Bonzer : great, ripper 

Boogie board : a hybrid, half-sized surf board 

Boomer : a large male kangaroo 

Booze bus : police vehicle used for catching drunk drivers 

Boozer : a pub 

Bored shitless : very bored 

Bottle shop : liquor shop 

Bottle-o : liquor shop (originally a man with hessian bags going around picking up beer bottles in the 50's and 60's)

Bottler : something excellent 

Bottling, his blood's worth : he's an excellent, helpful bloke. 

Bounce : a bully 

Bourke Street, he doesn't know Christmas from : he's a bit slow in the head. (Bourke Street is a brightly lit Melbourne street) 

Bowl of rice, not my : not my cup of tea; I don't like it

Brass razoo, he hasn't got a : he's very poor 

Brekkie : breakfast 

Brick  house, built like a : big strong bloke 

Brickie : bricklayer 

Brisvegas : Brisbane, state capital of Queensland 

Brizzie : Brisbane, state capital of Queensland 

Brown-eyed mullet : a turd in the sea (where you're swimming!) 

Brumby : a wild horse 

Buck's night : stag party, male gathering the night before the wedding 

Buckley's, Buckley's chance : no chance ("New Zealand stands Buckley's of beating Australia at football") 

Budgie smugglers : men's bathing costume

Bull bar : stout bar fixed to the front of a vehicle to protect it against hitting kangaroos (also roo bar) 

Bundy : short for Bundaberg, Queensland, and the brand of rum that's made there 

Bunyip : mythical outback creature 

Bush : the hinterland, the Outback, anywhere that isn't in town 

Bush bash : long competitive running or motorcar race through the bush

Bush oyster : nasal mucus

Bush telly : campfire 

Bushie : someone who lives in the Bush 

Bushman's hanky : Emitting nasal mucus by placing one index finger on the outside of the nose (thus blocking one nostril) and blowing.

Bushranger : highwayman, outlaw 

Butcher : small glass of beer in South Australia - From the theory that a butcher could take a quick break from his job, have a drink and be back at work

BYO : unlicensed restaurant where you have to Bring Your Own grog, also similar party or barbecue

C

Cab Sav : Cabernet Sauvignon (a variety of wine grape)

Cactus : dead, not functioning ("this bloody washing machine is cactus") 

Cane toad : a person from Queensland

Captain Cook : look (noun) ("let's have a Captain Cook") 

Cark it : to die, cease functioning 

Cat burying , as busy as a : busy 

Cat's piss, as mean as : mean, stingy, uncharitable 

Chewie : chewing gum 

Chokkie : chocolate 

Chook : a chicken 

Chrissie : Christmas 

Christmas : see Bourke Street 

Chuck a sickie : take the day off sick from work when you're perfectly healthy 

Chunder : vomit 

Clacker : anus (from Latin cloaca = sewer). Also the single orifice of monotremes (platypus and echidna) used both for reproduction and for the elimination of body wastes.

Clayton's : fake, substitute 

Cleanskin : Bottle of wine without a label. Usually bought in bulk by companies who then add their own personalised label and use the wine as e.g. gifts to clients

Cleanskin : cattle that have not been branded, earmarked or castrated.

Click : kilometre - "it's 10 clicks away" 

Clucky : feeling broody or maternal 

Coathanger : Sydney Harbour bridge

Cobber : friend 

Cockie : farmer (Farmers were called cockies in the early days of European settlement because, like the birds of the same name, they made their homes on the edges of permanent waterholes)

Cockie : cockatoo

Cockie : cockroach

Cockroach : a person from New South Wales 

Coldie : a beer 

Come a gutser : make a bad mistake, have an accident 

Compo : Workers' Compensation pay 

Conch (adj. conchy) : a conscientious person. Somebody who would rather work or study than go out and enjoy him/herself.

Cooee, not within : figuratively a long way away, far off - England weren't within cooee of beating Australia at cricket 

Cooee, within : nearby - I was within cooee of landing a big fish when the line broke. He lives within cooee of Sydney.

Cook (noun) : One's wife 

Corker : something excellent. A good stroke in cricket might be described as a 'corker of a shot'

Corroboree : an aboriginal dance festival 

Counter lunch/Countery : pub lunch 

Cozzie : swimming costume 

Crack a fat : get an erection 

Crack onto (someone) : to hit on someone, pursue someone romantically

Cranky : in a bad mood, angry 

Cream (verb) : defeat by a large margin 

Crook : sick, or badly made 

Crow eater : a person from South Australia 

Cubby house : Small, usually timber, house in the garden used as a children's plaything.

Cut lunch : sandwiches 

Cut lunch commando : army reservist

Cut snake, mad as a : very angry 

D

Dag : a funny person, nerd, goof 

Daks : trousers 

Damper : bread made from flour and water 

Date : arse[hole] ("get off your fat date") 

Dead dingo's donger, as dry as a : dry 

Dead horse : Tomato sauce

Deadset : true, the truth 

Dero : tramp, hobo, homeless person (from "derelict") 

Dickhead : see "whacker"

Digger : a soldier 

Dill : an idiot 

Dingo's breakfast : a yawn, a leak and a good look round (i.e. no breakfast) 

Dinkum, fair dinkum : true, real, genuine ("I'm a dinkum Aussie"; "is he fair dinkum?") 

Dinky-di : the real thing, genuine 

Dipstick : a loser, idiot 

Divvy van : Police vehicle used for transporting criminals. Named after the protective 'division' between the driver and the villains.

Dob (somebody) in : inform on somebody. Hence dobber, a tell-tale 

Docket : a bill, receipt 

Doco : documentary 

Dog : unattractive woman 

Dog's balls, stands out like : obvious 

Dog's eye : meat pie

Dole bludger : somebody on social assistance when unjustified 

Donger : penis 

Doodle : penis 

Down Under : Australia and New Zealand 

Drink with the flies : to drink alone 

Drongo : a dope, stupid person 

Dropkick : see 'dipstick'

Drum : information, tip-off ("I'll give you the drum") 

Duchess : sideboard 

Duffer, cattle : rustler 

Dummy, spit the : get very upset at something 

Dunny : outside lavatory 

Dunny budgie : blowfly 

Dunny rat, cunning as a : very cunning 

Durry : tobacco, cigarette

Dux : top of the class (n.); to be top of the class (v.) - "She duxed four of her subjects".

E

Earbashing : nagging, non-stop chatter 

Ekka : the Brisbane Exhibition, an annual show

Esky : large insulated food/drink container for picnics, barbecues etc. 

Exy : expensive 

F

Face, off one's : drunk ("He was off his face by 9pm") 

Fair dinkum : true, genuine 

Fair go : a chance ("give a bloke a fair go") 

Fair suck of the sav! : exclamation of wonder, awe, disbelief (see also "sav") 

Fairy floss : candy floss, cotton candy 

Feral : V8 ute (q.v.) sporting large heavy bullbar, numerous aerials, large truck mudflaps and stickers almost all over the rear window and tailgate. Sometimes seen with a Mack emblem on the bonnet and always with large (multiple) driving lights

Feral (n.) : a hippie

Figjam : "F*ck I'm good; just ask me". Nickname for people who have a high opinion of themselves.

Fisho : fishmonger 

Flake : shark's flesh (sold in fish & chips shops) 

Flat out like a lizard drinking : flat out, busy

Flick : to give something or somebody the flick is to get rid of it or him/her 

Flick it on : to sell something, usually for a quick profit, soon after buying it. 

Fly wire : gauze flyscreen covering a window or doorway. 

Footy : Australian Rules football 

Fossick : search, rummage ("fossicking through the kitchen drawers") 

Fossick : to prospect, e.g. for gold

Fossicker : prospector, e.g. for gold

Franger : condom 

Freckle : anus 

Fremantle Doctor : the cooling afternoon breeze that arrives in Perth from the direction of Freeo

Freo : Fremantle in Western Australia

Frog in a sock, as cross as a : sounding angry - a person or your hard drive! 

Fruit loop : fool 

Full : drunk 

Furphy : false or unreliable rumour

G

G'Day : hello! 

Gabba : Wooloongabba - the Brisbane cricket ground

GAFA (pron. gaffa) : the big nothingness of the Australian Outback. Great Australian F**k All.

Galah : fool, silly person. Named after the bird of the same name because of its antics and the noise it makes. 

Garbo, garbologist : municipal garbage collector 

Give it a burl : try it, have a go 

Gobful, give a : to abuse, usually justifiably ("The neighbours were having a noisy party so I went and gave them a gobful") 

Gobsmacked : surprised, astounded

Going off : used of a night spot or party that is a lot of fun - "the place was really going off" 

Good oil : useful information, a good idea, the truth 

Good onya : good for you, well done 

Goog, as full as a : drunk. "Goog" is a variation of the northern English slangword "goggie" meaning an egg. 

Greenie : environmentalist 

Grinning like a shot fox : very happy, smugly satisfied 

Grog : liquor, beer ("bring your own grog, you bludger") 

Grouse (adj.) : great, terrific, very good 

Grundies : undies, underwear (from Reg Grundy, a television person) 

Gutful of piss : drunk, "he's got a gutful of piss" 

Gyno : gynaecologist 

H

Handle : beer glass with a handle 

Harold Holt, to do the : To bolt. (Also "to do the Harold")

Heaps : a lot, e.g. "thanks heaps", "(s)he earned heaps of money" etc. 

Holy dooley! : an exclamation of surprise = "Good heavens!", "My goodness!" "Good grief!" or similar

Hoon : hooligan 

Hooroo : goodbye 

Hotel : often just a pub 

Hottie : hot water bottle 

I

Icy pole, ice block : popsicle, lollypop 

J

Jackaroo : a male trainee station manager or station hand (a station is a big farm/grazing property) 

Jillaroo : a female trainee station manager or station hand 

Joey : baby kangaroo 

Journo : journalist 

Jug : electric kettle

Jumbuck : sheep 

K

Kangaroos loose in the top paddock : Intellectually inadequate ("he's got kangaroos loose in the top paddock") 

Kelpie : Australian sheepdog originally bred from Scottish collie 

Kero : kerosene 

Kindie : kindergarten 

Knock : to criticise 

Knock back : refusal (noun), refuse (transitive verb) 

Knocker : somebody who criticises 

L

Lair : a flashily dressed young man of brash and vulgar behaviour, to dress up in flashy clothes, to renovate or dress up something in bad taste 

Lair it up : to behave in a brash and vulgar manner 

Larrikin : a bloke who is always enjoying himself, harmless prankster 

Lend of, to have a : to take advantage of somebody's gullibility, to have someone on ("he's having a lend of you") 

Lippy : lipstick 

Liquid laugh : vomit 

Lizard drinking, flat out like a : flat out, busy 

Lob, lob in : drop in to see someone ("the rellies have lobbed") 

Lollies : sweets, candy 

London to a brick : absolute certainty ("it's London to a brick that taxes won't go down") 

Long paddock : the side of the road where livestock is grazed during droughts

Longneck : 750ml bottle of beer in South Australia

Lucky Country, The : Australia, where else? 

Lunch, who opened their? : OK, who farted? 

Lurk : illegal or underhanded racket 

M

Maccas (pron. "mackers") : McDonald's (the hamburger place) 

Mallee bull, as fit as a : very fit and strong. The Mallee is very arid beef country in Victoria/South Australia. 

Manchester : Household linen, eg sheets etc.

Mappa Tassie : map of Tasmania - a woman's pubic area 

Mate : buddy, friend 

Mate's rate, mate's discount : cheaper than usual for a "friend" 

Matilda : swagman's bedding, sleeping roll

Metho : methylated spirits 

Mexican : a person from south of the Queensland or New South Wales border 

Mickey Mouse : excellent, very good. Beware though - in some parts of Australia it means inconsequential, frivolous or not very good! 

Middy : 285 ml beer glass in New South Wales 

Milk bar : corner shop that sells takeaway food 

Milko : milkman 

Mob : group of people, not necessarily troublesome 

Mob : family or herd (?) of kangaroos 

Mongrel : despicable person 

Moolah : money

Mozzie : mosquito 

Muddy : mud crab (a great delicacy) 

Mug : friendly insult ("have a go, yer mug"), gullible person 

Mull : grass (the kind you smoke) 

Muster : round up sheep or cattle 

Mystery bag : a sausage

N

Nasho : National Service (compulsory military service) 

Naughty, have a : have sex 

Never Never : the Outback, centre of Australia 

Nipper : young surf lifesaver 

No drama : same as 'no worries'

No worries! : Expression of forgiveness or reassurance (No problem; forget about it; I can do it; Yes, I'll do it) 

No-hoper : somebody who'll never do well 

Not the full quid : not bright intellectually 

Nuddy, in the : naked 

Nun's nasty, as dry as a : dry 

Nut out : hammer out or work out (an agreement, say)

O

O.S. : overseas ("he's gone O.S.") 

Ocker : an unsophisticated person 

Offsider : an assistant, helper 

Old fella : penis

Oldies : parents - "I'll have to ask my oldies" 

Op shop : opportunity shop, thrift store, place where second hand goods are sold.

Outback : interior of Australia 

Oz : Australia! 

P

Paddock : see 'long paddock'

Pash : a long passionate kiss; hence "pashing on" 

Pav : Pavlova - a rich, creamy Australian dessert 

Perve (noun & verb) : looking lustfully at the opposite sex 

Piece of piss : easy task 

Pig's arse! : I don't agree with you 

Piker : Someone who doesn't want to fit in with others socially, leaves parties early 

Pink slip, get the : get the sack (from the colour of the termination form)

Pint : large glass of beer (esp. in South Australia)

Piss : beer. Hence "hit the piss", "sink some piss" 

Plate, bring a : Instruction on party or BBQ invitation to bring your own food. It doesn't mean they're short of crockery! 

Plonk : cheap wine 

Pokies : poker machines, fruit machines, gambling slot machines 

Polly : politician 

Pom, pommy, pommie : an Englishman • See the complaint about "Pom" etc. 

Pommy bastard : an Englishman (see also 'bastard') 

Pommy shower : using deodorant instead of taking a shower 

Pommy's towel, as dry as a : very dry - based on the canard that Poms bathe about once a month 

Porky : Lie, untruth (pork pie = lie)

Port : suitcase (portmanteau) 

Postie : postman, mailman 

Pot : 285 ml beer glass in Queensland and Victoria 

Pozzy : position - get a good pozzy at the football stadium 

Prezzy : present, gift 

Q

Quid, make a : earn a living - "are you making a quid?" 

Quid, not the full : of low IQ. [Historical note: 'quid' is slang for a pound. £1 became $2 when Australia converted to decimal currency] 

R

Rack off : push off! get lost! get out of here! also "rack off hairy legs!". 

Rage : party 

Rage on : to continue partying - "we raged on until 3am" 

Rapt : pleased, delighted 

Ratbag : mild insult 

Raw prawn, to come the : to bullshit, to be generally disagreeable 

Reckon! : you bet! Absolutely! 

Reffo : refugee 

Rego : vehicle registration 

Rellie or relo : family relative 

Ridgy-didge : original, genuine 

Right, she : it'll be all right

Right, that'd be : Accepting bad news as inevitable. ("I went fishing but caught nothing." "Yeah, that'd be right.")

Rip snorter : great, fantastic - "it was a rip snorter of a party" 

Ripper : great, fantastic - "it was a ripper party" 

Ripper, you little! : Exclamation of delight or as a reaction to good news

Road train : big truck with many trailers 

Roadie : a beer you buy to take away with you

Rock up : to turn up, to arrive - "we rocked up at their house at 8pm" 

Rollie : a cigarette that you roll yourself 

Roo : kangaroo 

Roo bar : stout bar fixed to the front of a vehicle to protect it against hitting kangaroos (also bull bar)

Root (verb and noun) : synonym for f*ck in nearly all its senses: "I feel rooted"; "this washing machine is rooted"; "(s)he's a good root". A very useful word in fairly polite company. 

Root rat : somebody who is constantly looking for sex.

Ropeable : very angry 

Rort (verb or noun) : Cheating, fiddling, defrauding (expenses, the system etc.). Usually used of politicians 

Rotten : drunk - "I went out last night and got rotten" 

Rubbish (verb) : to criticize 

S

Salute, Aussie : brushing flies away 

Salvos, the : Salvation Army, bless them 

Sandgroper : a person from Western Australia 

Sanger : a sandwich 

Sav : saveloy (see also "fair suck of the sav!") 

Schooner : large beer glass in Queensland; medium beer glass in South Australia 

Scratchy : instant lottery ticket 

Screamer : party lover; "two pot screamer" - somebody who gets drunk on very little alcohol 

Seppo : an American 

Servo : petrol station 

Shag on a rock, stands out like a : very obvious

Shark biscuit : somebody new to surfing 

She'll be right : it'll turn out okay 

Sheepshagger : A New Zealander

Sheila : a woman 

 house (adj.) : of poor quality, unenjoyable ("this car is house", "the movie was  house")

 house (noun) : toilet, lavatory

Shonky : dubious, underhanded. E.g. a shonky practice, shonky business etc. 

Shoot through : to leave 

Shout : turn to buy - a round of drinks usually ("it's your shout") 

Show pony : someone who tries hard, by his dress or behaviour, to impress those around him.

Sickie : day off sick from work (chuck a sickie = take the day off sick from work when you're perfectly healthy!) 

Skite : boast, brag 

Skull/Skol (a beer) : to drink a beer in a single draught without taking a breath

Slab : a carton of 24 bottles or cans of beer 

Sleepout : house verandah converted to a bedroom 

Smoko : smoke or coffee break 

Snag : a sausage 

Sook : person or animal who is soft, tame, inoffensive. Hence sooky (adj.) 

Spag bol : spaghetti bolognese 

Spewin' : very angry 

Spiffy, pretty spiffy : great, excellent

Spit the dummy : get very upset at something 

Spruiker : man who stands outside a nightclub or restaurant trying to persuade people to enter

Sprung : caught doing something wrong 

Spunk : a good looking person (of either sex) 

Squizz (noun) : look - "take a squizz at this" 

Standover man : a large man, usually gang-related, who threatens people with physical violence in order to have his wishes carried out.

Station : a big farm/grazing property 

Stickybeak : nosy person 

Stoked : very pleased

Stonkered : beaten, defeated, cornered, perplexed

Strewth : exclamation, mild oath ("Strewth, that Chris is a bonzer bloke") 

Strides : trousers 

Strine : Australian slang and pronunciation 

Stubby : a 375ml. beer bottle 

Stubby holder : polystyrene insulated holder for a stubby 

Stuffed, I feel : I'm tired 

Stuffed, I'll be : expression of surprise 

Sunbake : sunbathe 

Sunnies : sunglasses 

Surfies : people who go surfing - usually more often than they go to work! 

Swag : rolled up bedding etc. carried by a swagman 

Swaggie : swagman 

Swagman : tramp, hobo 

T

Tall poppies : successful people 

Tall poppy syndrome : the tendency to criticize successful people 

Tallie : 750ml bottle of beer

Taswegian : derogatory term for a person from Tasmania 

Tea : supper

Technicolor yawn : vomit 

Tee-up : to set up (an appointment) 

Thingo : Wadjamacallit, thingummy, whatsit 

Thongs : cheap rubber backless sandals 

Throw-down : small bottle of beer which you can throw down quickly.

Tickets, to have on oneself : to have a high opinion of oneself 

Tinny : can of beer 

Tinny : small aluminium boat

Tinny, tin-arsed : lucky

Togs : swim suit 

Too right! : definitely! 

Top End : far north of Australia 

Trackie daks/dacks : tracksuit pants

Trackies : track suit 

Troppo, gone : to have escaped to a state of tropical madness; to have lost the veneer of civilisation after spending too long in the tropics.

Trough lolly : the solid piece of perfumed disinfectant in a men's urinal 

Truckie : truck driver 

True blue : patriotic 

Tucker : food 

Tucker-bag : food bag 

Turps : turpentine, alcoholic drink 

Turps, hit the : go on a drinking binge 

Two up : gambling game played by spinning two coins simultaneously 

U

Ugg boots : Australian sheepskin boots worn by surfers since at least the 1960s to keep warm while out of the water. Also worn by airmen during WW1 and WW2 because of the need to maintain warmth in non-pressurized planes at high altitudes.

Ugh : ugly. hence Ugg boots

Uni : university 

Unit : flat, apartment 

Up oneself : have a high opinion of oneself - "he's really up himself" 

Up somebody, get : to rebuke somebody - "the boss got up me for being late" 

Useful as an ashtray on a motorbike / tits on a bull : unhelpful or incompetent person or thing - "he, she or it is about as useful as tits on a bull" etc. etc. 

Ute : utility vehicle, pickup truck 

V

Vedgies : vegetables 

Vee dub : Volkswagen 

Veg out : relax in front of the TV (like a vegetable) 

Vejjo : vegetarian 

Vinnie's : St. Vincent De Paul's (charity thrift stores and hostels)

W

WACA (pron. whacker) : Western Australian Cricket Association and the Perth cricket ground

Waggin' school : playing truant 

Walkabout : a walk in the Outback by Aborigines that lasts for an indefinite amount of time 

Walkabout, it's gone : it's lost, can't be found 

Weekend warrior : army reservist

Whacker, whacka : Idiot; somebody who talks drivel; somebody with whom you have little patience; a dickhead

Whinge : complain 

White pointers : topless (female) sunbathers 

Whiteant (verb) : to criticise something to deter somebody from buying it. A car dealer might whiteant another dealer's cars or a real estate salesman might whiteant another agent's property 

Wobbly : excitable behaviour ("I complained about the food and the waiter threw a wobbly") 

Wobbly boot on, he's got the : drunk

Wog : flu or trivial illness 

Wog : person of Mediterranean origin. A milder insult than the same word in the UK and perhaps elsewhere. 

Wombat : somebody who eats, roots and leaves (see also root) 

Woop Woop : invented name for any small unimportant town - "he lives in Woop Woop" 

Wowser : straight-laced person, prude, puritan, spoilsport 

Wuss : coward; nervous person or animal 

X

XXXX : pronounced Four X, brand of beer made in Queensland 

Y

Yabber : talk (a lot) 

Yabby : inland freshwater crayfish found in Australia (Cherax destructor)

Yakka : work (noun) 

Yewy : u-turn in traffic ("chuck a yewy at the next traffic lights") 

Yobbo : an uncouth person 

Z

Zack : sixpence (5 cents) - "it isn't worth a zack", "he hasn't got a zack