A Catholic, a Protestant, a Muslim and a Jew were in a discussion during a dinner.

       

Catholic: "I have a large fortune... I am going to buy Citibank!"

       

       

Protestant: "I am very wealthy and will buy General Motors!"

       

       

Muslim: "I am a fabulously rich prince... I intend to purchase Microsoft! 

       

       

They then all wait for the Jew to speak.

       

       

The Jew stirs his coffee, places the spoon  neatly on the table, takes a sip of his  coffee, looks  at them and casually says:           

       

       

"I'm not  selling!!"

70 year old golfer with sexy girlfriend

Bob, a 70 year old extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Golf club  with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-old blonde hangong on to hos arm arm and listening intently to his every word and laughing at his jokes 

His buddies ask him 

"Bob,how'd you get this trophy girlfriend?"

Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"

They're knocked over, but continue to ask. "So, how'd you persuade  her to marry you?"

Bob says, "I lied about my age." His friends respond, "What do you mean? 

Did you tell her you were 50?"

Bob smiles and says, "No. I told her I was 90."

Dovening Anywhere

Yom Kippur crying

The guy praying next to me was crying so much that I started getting jealous thinking about all the bad things he did during the past year

SYNAGOGUE DOG

A jewish guy walks into his synagogue on Yom Kippur with with his dog. The rabbi stops him at the door and says "Moishe, what's the matter with you? You can't bring a dog in here."

"Don't worry, Rabbi," replies Moishe, "Isaac here is just as orthodox as I am, and he's come to pray." And as soon as he says that, the dog stands up on his hind legs, pulls a yarmulka out of Moishe's pocket, grabs a prayer book and starts praying in perfect Hebrew.

The Rabbi is amazed. "Oh my god," he says, "this is incredible, Moishe. You should make this dog become a rabbi!"

"You tell him that, Rabbi," replies Moishe. "He wants to become a doctor."

Church Bells, Fire sirens and a bissela luv

Thanks Malcolm Steingold 

A beautiful young celebrity was being interviewed after the passing of her 91 year old husband. He was a Jewish billionaire who shall remain nameless. Reporter: “You just married him because he was rich and powerful didn’t you? How could a beautiful young woman enjoy making love to a 91 year old little Jewish man?”  The young woman replied “you are wrong. I loved him dearly and he was the best most considerate lover I have ever had. We used to make love once a week on a Sunday to the rhythm of the church bells.” The reporter responded. That is incredible but very romantic”. The beautiful young woman responded “Yes I know. I miss him so much and if the fire engine had not gone past our house last Sunday he would still be alive.😢 Sigh.”

Who can relate?

Language is such a powerful weapon - that can easily be misinterpreted (tx Kala 😜)