Mr Goldberg fired from the Convent

A Jewish man gets a job at a Convent as a handyman.

He is a very hard worker an d does all that is asked of him , but one day he is called into the Mother Superior’s office.

 He enters and she is at her desk looking very stern.

 She clears her throat and says “ Mr. Goldberg, I am very sorry but I have to let you go”

 “Why?” He asks “did I not do a good,job?”

  “ Yes, you did a good job”, so replies, “ in fact you did such a good job that we overlooked a lot of things you did, we didn’t get upset when you washed your socks in the holy font, nor did we get upset when you called Jesus  Yussel  everytime you walked past, we didn’t even mind when you demanded that part of the refrigerator be kept kosher, but I’m sorry Mr. Goldberg, you called me Mother Shapiro for the last time!’

Funny Joke to a boss

Thanks Victor Perton 

This made me #laugh!  Saturday humour!

"My boss just emailed me and told me to send her one of my funny jokes. 

"I replied, "I'm working at the moment. I'll send one later."  

"She writes back, "That was awesome! Send me another one."

____________________________

Got a funny joke to share?

Photo today is dawn at Port Melbourne....  wading in the cool water with a warm breeze billowing around me.

Jewish Barbie for sale

The last time I was I New York, my daughter requested that I bring back a Barbi doll. So I stopped in a toy store in the Jewish area and started looking around.

      "How much is this Barbie doll set?"

      "$19.95." the Jewish merchant answered.

      "How much is the set here, Barbie at the beach?"

      "Also $19.95."

      I eyed another set, "how much is Barbie in the discotecque?"

      "Also $19.95."

      "And this one here, Barbie at home?"

      "Also $19.95."

      "Well, what about this one, Barbie goes shopping?"

      "Also $19.95."

      "O.K., how about this, Barbie gets married?"

      "Also $19.95."

      "And this, Barbie plays tennis?"

      "Also $19.95."

      "What about this one. Barbie get a Bat Mitzvah?"

      "Also $19.95."

      I eyed the last one and hoping for a lower price asked, "How much is this, Barbie gets a divorce?"

      "Ah, dots $199.95!"

      "Wow, why so much?"

      "Vell, dot comes vit Ken’s car, Ken’s wardrobe, Ken’s house, und, Ken’s benk account!"

Golf or an affair?

Another one from Andrew Cohen

Slight of foot . . . 

Moshe is having an affair with his secretary Kate and one afternoon, she persuades him to leave work early and go to her place for an hour or so. He agrees. 

Whilst they are enjoying themselves, Moshe suddenly notices the time. He quickly takes off his shoes, goes into Kate's garden, and rubs them for a couple of minutes on the grass and mud. He then puts them back on and drives home to his wife Naomi. 

"So where have you been, you shmuck?" shouts Naomi as soon as he walks through the door. "I've been trying to contact you all afternoon, but your iphone was off and no one in your office knew where you were."

"I'm an honest person, darling, and I can't lie to you," replies Moshe. "I've been with my secretary all afternoon at her place."

But Naomi takes one look at his shoes and shouts, "You lying momzer. You fershtinkener. You've been out playing golf again, haven't you?"

Who’se Sharon?

Where was i . . . 

Sam Levy texted his wife, "Darling, sorry to tell you but I got hit by a car near my office this morning and I'm now in mount sinai. Sharon brought me here. The doctors have been making tests and taking X-rays and the good news is that they've told me that the big blow I took to my forehead shouldn't have any lasting effect. But I've broken two ribs and my left arm. I've also got a fractured leg which they say should hopefully heal over the next 3 months or so. Sorry darling for putting you through all this worry." 

Moments later, his wife Esther texted back, "Who's Sharon?"

Retired Golfer , Naked Woman and Lion Tamer

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, older retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties.
The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"
The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.
The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.
The circus owner's jaw is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can you top that?"
The tough old golfer replies, "No problem, just get that lion out of there."

Egg Klap