Jewish Humour

Jewish Humour

Monday, November 27, 2017

THE DIFFERENCE IF YOU MARRY AN AUSSIE GIRL

 Three friends married women from different parts of the world..... 

The first man married a Greek girl. 
He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. 
It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away. 

The second man married a Thai. 
He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. 
The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table. 

The third man married a girl from Australia
He ordered her to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. 
He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything either but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees.

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Best or worst time to speculate


October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Koos and Japie from Brakpan


Koos and Japie from Brakpan, were in Pretoria for the Currie Cup Final when suddenly they spotted a sign on a shop window.

Suits---R20 each
Shirts---R 10 each
Trousers---R8 each

Koos says to his china, 
"Hey Japie, liewe fok, check that my broe!!! Hey we could buy a whole load of these clothes, and when we get home, we could somme just sell them, and make a moerse fortune!

"But listen, boet, when we go into the shop, keep your flippin mouth shut, 'cos if they hear your Brakpan accent, they might try to skelm us."

They go in, and Koos says, "Excuse me Sir, man I'll take 50 of your suits at R20 each, plus gimme 100 shirts at R10 each, and I'll somme also take 50 pairs of your trousers at R8 each".

The shop owner says, "You from Brakpan, right?"

"Err... ja swaar", says Koos, "but how die donner did you know"?

The owner says, "This is a dry-cleaner, you doos!!!"