Rivka goes to a sassexxxx shhhhopppp

Hello, tech support . . . 

60 year old Rivkah goes into her local sex shop. As soon as she enters, everyone there notices how unstable she is on her feet. Very shakily, she wobbles the few feet across the shop to the counter, grabs it for support, and asks the assistant behind the counter, "Dddoo youuu selll ddiilldoss?" 

The assistant, trying not to laugh, replies, "Yes, we have many different types of dildo in stock." 

"Dddddoooo yyyouuuu ccaarrryy aaa pppinkk onnee,ttenn inchessss lllong  aaandd aabboutt ttwoo inchesss ththiickk?" asks Rivkah. 

The assistant replies, "Yes we do." 

"Maazzeltovvv. Ddddoo yyoouu kknnooww hhowww tttooo tturrrnnn ittt offffff?"

חג שמח - have the best Pesach

Your grandma

In honour of St Patricks day and Purim

What do you call someone who is half Jewish and half  Irish?

LepriCohen

It’s all about attitude

There is attitude - and then there is positive attitude!

"Life is not the way it's supposed to be - it's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference." After his plane was hit and he was forced to eject, the Marine Corps fighter pilot finally regained consciousness. He was in a hospital, in a lot of pain.

He found himself in the ICU with tubes/IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function and a nurse hovering over him, looking worried. It was obvious he was in a life-threatening situation.

The nurse gave him a serious look, straight into his eyes. Knowing he was not only a fighter pilot, but a Marine, she spoke to him softly and slowly, enunciating each word: "You may not feel anything from the waist down."

Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your tits, then?"

And that, my friends, is a real positive attitude!!

Japanese wife Dishonouring her husband with a Jewish Man

Two Japanese businessmen were talking during their dip in the hot baths at

the geisha house.

"Hirokosan, I have unpleasant news for you.  Your wife is dishonoring

you."

Upset, Hirokosan asked for more information.

"More, she is dishonoring you with a foreigner who is of the Jewish faith."

Shocked, Hirokosan went home to confront his wife.  "I am told you are

dishonoring me with a foreigner of the Jewish faith."

"That is a lie!" she replied, outraged.  "Where did you hear such

mishegass?"

A bit of a cheat

Dave and his wife, Phyllis, started dieting a week ago.

Phyllis proposes that they should have a cheat day today.

She excitedly brings home bagels and cream cheese and two knishes. 

Dave brought home his co-worker, Sharon.

From his hospital bed, Dave is wondering if he’ll ever begin to understand women.